


The Scientist

by Talsi74656



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Canon is dumb so let's not, Depression, F/M, How she found out about the Antarian Cider, Prixin Prompt Comp, They will science!, suicide of a sort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 17:24:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10768944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talsi74656/pseuds/Talsi74656
Summary: A Voyager (Janeway/Chakotay) take on the DS9 episode the Visitor.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry to the Prixin Prompt Competition. I used the first prompt:
> 
> "I can't tell you,"  
> "Why not?"  
> "Temporal prime directive,"  
> Explain how Kathryn knew where Chakotay kept his cider
> 
> Also a big thank you to @abrokenpieceoftruth for the beta, I took most of your advice, I hope you enjoy the finished product.

The air on the bridge changed with impressive professionalism as the red alert sirens began to blare.  
  
"Two unidentified vessels are de-cloaking off port!" Harry barked.  
  
Chakotay bounded into action, calling for red alert, shields up and all hands to battle stations, but despite their quick action the two vessels managed to get in a surprise shot.  
  
Voyager shook hard, throwing Chakotay out of his seat, almost to the middle of the bridge.  
  
"Report!" he snapped.  
  
"Shields are up; however, the vessels scored a direct hit before they were raised," Tuvok announced.  
  
"Hail them!"  
  
'No response, sir," Harry announced as Voyager shook again.  
  
"Return fire!" Chakotay ordered. He glanced at the readings on his personal monitor trying to get a better view of the battle. The weapons these vessels were using were odd. They appeared to be phased energy, much like Starfleet's, but they had a strange radiation signature, unlike anything he'd seen before. _Residual from their cloak,_ he thought.  
  
Tuvok did as commanded. Voyager's phasers slammed into both ships, doing a fair amount of damage from the look of things. "They're retreating," the security officer announced.  
  
Chakotay was tempted to disable one of their ships and find out why they'd been ambushed, but they were gone before he could order a tractor beam.  
  
"Damage report," he said instead, turning to look at Harry.  
  
The ensign pulled up his report. "We have a major hull breach on decks three and four...” he paused, drawing a sudden and audible breath.  
  
"What is it?" Chakotay pressed.  
  
"Deck three, section eight," Harry breathed.  
  
Chakotay slapped his comm badge before the young man had even finished speaking. "Chakotay to Janeway!" Section eight, the Captain's quarters.  
  
There was no response.  
  
Tom bounded out of his chair, snatching up his med kit, but no one was quicker than Chakotay. The pair, along with Tuvok darted for the turbolift.  
  
While Chakotay ordered for the lift to take them to deck three, Tuvok questioned the Captain's location with the computer.  
  
"The Captain is in her quarters," came the reply.  
  
Chakotay's gut churned painfully as his breathing became laboured. She might just be unconscious. The external force fields usually activated swiftly.  
  
She was going to be fine. She had to be.  
  
The lift doors opened onto deck three and the three of them darted out and down the corridor.  
  
There her doors were. Not a mark marred their outside, which served only to fuel his hope that she'd survived the damage. Maybe Harry had been wrong? Maybe the damage wasn't as bad as the young man had implied?  
  
His heart pounded painfully in his chest as they approached Kathryn's quarters. Part of him didn't want to see inside; because if anything had happened to Kathryn, well, he wasn't sure what to do.  
  
_She would be fine,_ he reminded himself.  
  
"Computer, override security lockouts on Captain Janeway's quarters and open the door, authorisation Tuvok omega, seven, alpha."  
  
_Please be alright._  
  
Chakotay watched as the doors hissed open, his heart sinking immediately. The room had been torn to pieces. Many of Kathryn's belongings were simply missing, others too damaged to recognise. Half of the wall between the living room and her bedroom was missing. If she'd been in here when Voyager was attacked...  
  
A force-field had been erected over the far wall so the room was relatively safe to enter, though Chakotay wasn't sure he could move. Tom cleared his throat and pushed past. If Kathryn had been in here and she managed to survive, then she'd need medical aid. Tuvok followed the Lieutenant, tricorder out and scanning the debris.  
  
Eventually Chakotay managed to take a step inside, but he knew. Some part of him whispered just outside of view exactly what he didn't want to think about. Kathryn had been in here and she didn't make it out.  
  
His chest tightened as he saw the wreckage that had once been her bedroom, more so when Tuvok moved to the side of the ruined bed and frowned. Chakotay had grown to know the man over the past six years and had become quite adept at reading his mood, whether he admitted he had one or not. He'd found something.  
  
He knelt beside the wreckage of Kathryn's bed and picked something up off the ground. Chakotay's breath halted in his throat when the Vulcan revealed his find: a comm badge. Kathryn's comm badge.  
  
The implications were clear: the computer had located the comm badge's signal giving the false reading that Kathryn was here.  
  
Tom closed his medical tricorder slow, face becoming drawn and distant. "I'm sorry, Chakotay," he muttered.  
  
He couldn't understand. He couldn't possibly understand.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Kathryn, you've been up for forty hours," Chakotay chided. "Please, get some rest."_  
  
_She gave a light, if exhausted smile and let out a sigh. "You might be right," she agreed shortly before yawning into a hand. "I'm not getting much work done now, anyway."_  
  
_Chakotay smiled with relief. So many times she was prone to argue and rail against resting. Her self-recrimination notwithstanding, she had a tendency to over analyse and stress more than she should. Today, maybe she'd finally hit her limit._  
  
_"Don't think this is going to get you out of dinner tomorrow night." She chuckled as she stood, stretching her back. "I've been testing this recipe almost nightly for the past three weeks."_  
  
_"Oh, and how's it going?" Chakotay sensed the punch line coming, but couldn't resist._  
  
_"I'll let the Doctor know he might have visitors."_  
  
_He let out a chuckle and followed her out of the ready room._  
  
_Her cooking wasn't that bad, really and at times he suspected there was some merit to her theory that the replicator had it out for her. On the bright side, her lack of cooking skills gave them both the excuse to dine together at least once a week._  
  
_"Good night, Captain," he assumed his seat at the centre of the bridge as she departed for the afternoon._ ***=/\=***

Chakotay sat bolt upright, heart pounding in his chest.  
  
He remembered. Every other night he had this damn dream, serving as a reminder of what he'd done, as though he could forget. His head began to throb again and he massaged his temples, trying vainly to remove the ache. Perhaps he deserved it? If not for him, Kathryn would have been in her ready room or on the bridge when the attack had come. The aliens would have claimed nothing with the exception of her belongings. Losing her accoutrements would have been far preferable to losing her.  
  
Today was the anniversary of Kathryn's death and Chakotay found himself feeling emptier and more hollow than he'd felt in his life. He'd mourned the deaths of his family, becoming fuelled by an insatiable rage that had landed him with the Maquis. But back then at least he'd had a goal.  
  
When he'd woken on the first anniversary following his parent's murders he'd had such a sense of purpose. He would fight and win back their homes. He would fight and run the Cardassians out of their space and back to their pathetic little world.  
  
He remembered the feeling vividly and set about chasing that revenge again insurmountable odds.  
  
The past year he'd hoped that the same sensation would fill him this morning; that he would wake with a renewed sense of purpose and drive. Instead, he felt —nothing.  
  
He had only one goal now, the one inherited to him by the loss of his dearest friend: get Voyager home. Of course he'd always shared that goal, but not in the same way as Kathryn or the rest of the crew. He'd made a home here, aboard Voyager. He'd found a peace and contentedness unlike anything he'd felt ever in the Alpha Quadrant — thanks to Kathryn. Without her he was honestly lost.  
  
Being in charge now was doing nothing but remind him of what he'd lost. But the crew's morale was his responsibility. So he called for the lights, pushed himself out of bed and readied for work.  
  
Throughout the morning he kept reminding himself about all of the good that had happened on Voyager. The Maquis had essentially been saved, had they remained in the Alpha Quadrant there was a good chance many, if not all of them would be dead. Most recently there was Miral Paris, Voyager's newest crewmember and only two days old. Without Voyager the small girl wouldn't have been possible — at least, it was highly unlikely B'Elanna and Tom would have found one another anywhere else.  
  
He took his seat on the bridge wondering whether it might be better for him to sit here or hide in the ready room. The room reminded him of Kathryn and if he went near the thing today he would break down, without a doubt. But taking her chair on the bridge was just as difficult. Here, at least he was surrounded by those on duty — which was about half-staff, thanks to a 'celebration' Neelix had decided to host.  
  
The Talaxian had decided, against Chakotay's advisement, that the crew might benefit from a party, an effort to keep everyone's mind off Kathryn. Chakotay felt certain that every conversation in that hall would be about her. At the very least he suspected the event would be far from a morale booster. He'd decided to make the celebration for Prixin, though it wasn't quite the right time of year.  
  
He'd promised to make an appearance to the gathering in the evening, but in all likelihood he'd make an excuse, head straight back to his quarters and get lost in a bottle of brandy.  
  
He wasn't the only person in a solemn mood, of course. Those on duty, on the bridge seemed about as cheerful as Chopin's Funeral March. Everyone was quiet and he suspected they would be for the remainder of the day. _As long as they don't start reminiscing,_ he thought. If they did that he'd need to run and hide. There was no chance he could sit through stories about Kathryn without breaking down.  
  
How could it have been a year already? Cliché as it sounded, it felt like only yesterday that they'd had their last meal together. He still remembered the smile that touched her lips as they discussed Tuvok's latest proposed training drills. He'd said that the crew were becoming too lax...  
  
With a shake of his head, Chakotay shoved the memory aside. He needed to focus on something. He turned and pulled the monitor between the command chairs toward him, glancing at the various readings on display. Currently the monitor had been set to show internal sensors and a tactical display. Right now there was nothing noteworthy to report, though he hadn't expected there to be.  
  
He was just about to switch to another report when Ensign Jameson's voice interrupted the silence, over the comm.  
  
"Jameson to the bridge!" the young man sounded curiously panicked.  
  
Chakotay had to take a short breath before he was able to tap his comm badge, to reply. "Bridge here."  
  
"Sir —I ah, I don't really know what just happened, but ah —well —"  
  
"Ensign," Chakotay snapped a little too harshly.  
  
"Sorry, sir, it's — I just saw Captain Janeway board the turbolift on deck three —”  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Chakotay was in no mood for pranks or jokes of this sort; not today - not any day.  
  
"I swear, sir," his tone drew Chakotay in, however. He was either genuinely rattled or he was an excellent actor.  
  
Chakotay stood and glanced around the bridge, trying to figure out how everyone else was taking the information. Tuvok's brow was furrowed, as though he was intrigued by the possibility, though also highly sceptical. Harry however, appeared not to believe Jameson; his jaw was clenched and he was shaking his head ever so slightly.  
  
Honestly, Chakotay wasn't sure what to believe, nor was he entirely too sure how to respond.  
  
He resettled himself and cleared his throat, attempting to find any words that might sum up his emotional state. If this was a prank, Jameson would be lucky if the crew found an M class planet to dump him on.  
  
Before Chakotay found managed to form a coherent thought, however, the turbolift doors opened. Like a whip the gaze of everyone on the bridge fell on the doors and the small, yet imposing woman who stepped through.  
  
Kathryn planted her hands on her hips, gave the bridge a cursory glance and finally fixated on Chakotay. "What the _hell_ happened to my quarters?"


	3. Chapter 3

No one the bridge seemed to know how to react to the presence of their former Captain. The bridge was silent for a long time as she surveyed them, searching for an answer none could provide.  
  
She strode down to the front of the bridge, fixing Chakotay with a confused frown, probably because he was sitting in her chair.  
  
This couldn't be real. This had to be some kind of trick, an illusion — or maybe they'd all just cracked? Maybe this was some kind of mass hallucination.  
  
But she wasn't disappearing. She looked like Kathryn. She sounded like Kathryn and god help him, she smelled like Kathryn too.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" She implored.  
  
Chakotay felt as though he should say something, but he was at a complete loss for words. He didn't know whether to laugh, cry or order her off the bridge.  
  
Finally Harry broke the bridge crew's silence, though he didn't answer her question. "You're — you're dead."  
  
The shock and bewilderment on her expression certainly gave Chakotay hope.  
  
Tuvok was the next to find his voice. "Captain, there is much we should discuss, might I suggest we head to sickbay and have the Doctor examine you?"  
  
Kathryn's brow shot up and she appeared as though she was about to object, but Chakotay knew what she was going to say and allayed her fears. "We'll explain everything on the way."  
  
Her countenance relaxed markedly and she nodded her approval.  
  
If this wasn't really Kathryn, then it was a damned good impersonation.  
  
She waited for Chakotay and Tuvok to board the turbolift before following them in. Her eyes darted back and forth between them, obviously waiting for one of them to speak.  
  
Tuvok ordered for the lift to take them to sickbay and Chakotay drew a deep breath, trying to find a way to explain what had happened. He didn't particularly want to think about the past year, even if this really was Kathryn somehow returned from the dead.  
  
After almost a minute of psyching himself up as she stared expectantly, he finally managed to go through the events. Relatively speaking it was a short story; Voyager had been ambushed, and in the initial assault their attackers had scored a direct hit on the ship, breaching a hole over decks three and four. She had been in her quarters at the time.  
  
As he reached this point something seemed to dawn on her, as though she was connecting dots in her mind. She didn't interrupt him though and he proceeded to recount Voyager's last year without her.  
  
There was one rather important event that completely skipped his mind, though. Something he probably should have remembered, given where they were headed. He'd been so caught up in the hope that this was actually Kathryn that he forgot about Voyager's newest crew member.  
  
Of course when the doors opened to sickbay she was able to see firsthand B'Elanna and Tom with their new baby girl.  
  
The three of them stared at one another, understandably wide-eyed. B'Elanna a Tom's baby girl lay sleeping in the cot next to them.  
  
In retrospect Chakotay probably should have called down to warn B'Elanna and Tom that they were bringing a visitor.  
  
"Hello," Kathryn breathed. There was such pain in her voice, as though she was only now understanding what had happened.  
  
"Captain," B'Elanna's voice held a note of reverence and disbelief. The engineer shook her head.  
  
"This —you're not-” Tom began awkwardly. He turned to Chakotay and Tuvok, obviously confused.  
  
"Perhaps we should compare the Captain's bioscan with her last medical," Tuvok suggested.  
  
"Where's the Doctor?" Chakotay asked, glancing around the room. He rarely deactivated himself these days, so it was unusual that he wasn't here.  
  
"Naomi's bio-chemistry lesson," Tom muttered distantly. His eyes never left Kathryn, Chakotay could hardly blame him.  
  
"Perhaps then, Mr Paris, you might be able to run the scan?" Tuvok suggested.  
  
Kathryn turned to the Vulcan and gave him a light smile — a smile that was so — Kathryn.  
  
"Right," Tom responded as though suddenly remembering his medical training. He glanced around before settling on the tricorder next to B'Elanna's bio-bed.  
  
The scan seemed to take a rather long time. Chakotay all but held his breath as he waited for the results. He wasn't the only one. B'Elanna was leaning forward ever so slightly and Kathryn herself appeared as anxious as Chakotay felt.  
  
He supposed there could be other reasons for all of this: she could be from an alternate timeline, for instance.  
  
After a painstakingly long wait Tom finally glanced up. He exhaled a short breath and gave the glimmer of a smile. "Captain."  
  
There was another pause before everyone seemed to realise what he meant. This was their Kathryn Janeway. She hadn't died a year ago. They would of course need to investigate the cause of her disappearance, but she was back.  
  
The pair began to gush about everything Kathryn had missed over the past year. Chakotay could have watched the scene all day, but Tuvok cleared his throat. "Perhaps Cap- Commander Chakotay and I should return to bridge, to pass on the good news to the crew?"  
  
Chakotay couldn't think of anything he wanted less.  
  
Kathryn turned back toward them and gave a fond smile and light nod of acquiescence.  
  
So he could hardly argue. Reluctantly he gave his own nod and he and Tuvok departed.  
  
If he could have remained without being overly obvious, he'd have done so in a heartbeat. A part of him still wasn't too sure any of this was happening. If he woke now, from a dream, he'd be devastated, but he wouldn't be surprised.  
  
At the very least, now he was actually looking forward to Neelix's Prixin celebration.


	4. Chapter 4

The truth of her situation was a little difficult for Kathryn to swallow, despite strong evidence to support what the crew were saying. She'd even grabbed a tricorder while no one was paying attention, just to see the scans for herself.  
  
Tom was right, of course. She didn't have any sort of phase variance. She wasn't out of temporal sync with this reality and everything certainly felt real. So somehow she'd vanished for a year — a whole year.  
  
The idea was daunting; it left her with a sour taste in her mouth and a noxious feeling in her gut. What had really happened to her? The last thing she remembered was heading to bed, after a relatively short day on the bridge. She'd been exhausted, dozing off quite easily.  
  
Though she had no control over what had happened, she couldn't help but feel as though she'd failed the crew. She'd promised to lead them home and for a year she'd been unable to fulfil that promise.  
  
This was something she would need to process on her own time, though. Now she needed to focus on her crew.  
  
Chakotay's announcement came through shortly after he and Tuvok left. He was thoughtful enough to ask that everyone give her time and space to adjust, which to truly appreciated. If the reactions of the bridge crew were anything to go by, the crew needed the time to adjust as much as she did.  
  
Tom and B'Elanna were about to head to the mess hall for an early Prixin celebration, of all things! So, given the time of day and the fact that there wouldn't be many members of the crew there just yet, she accompanied them down. At first they just stared. The room, though fairly empty, was quiet considering this was meant to be a Prixin celebration.  
  
For a long time she thought she might need to be the one to approach groups, until the ice was broken for a small gasp, then a shriek, then a small ball of wailing Naomi latching to Kathryn's leg. Naomi began to sob, her whole body shaking as she took uneven breaths.  
  
"I missed you, Captain!"  
  
The sentiment, while sweet, wasn't something she could commiserate with, after all, she'd only just seen Naomi a few hours ago... from her perspective.  
  
Soon, after Samantha managed to pull her weeping daughter to the side, the rest of the crew began to express their sorrow over the past year without her. A year Kathryn knew nothing about.  
  
The whole thing had a number of crew members in tears before long, Kathryn included.  
  
Once everyone in the room managed to air out their grief, she was gracefully given a reprieve, at least until the next shift change. She spent a good portion of the morning with B'Elanna and Tom as they gushed about their new baby girl. She could understand why, Miral was gorgeous.  
  
They also took some time to catch her up on some of the bigger events of the year she'd missed... She'd missed a whole year. Nothing really compared to news of Voyager's newest crew member, of course.  
  
Apparently they had only been in sickbay for a check up this morning. B'Elanna had been released the night before and they'd been about to join the Prixin celebrations in the mess hall. Neelix had decided to host the celebration on the anniversary of her death as a way to help distract the crew — which was a wonderful idea, honestly. She couldn't bear the thought of them being saddened by her loss.  
  
The day progressed rather slowly though she became emotionally exhausted rather quickly, adding to the physical exhaustion she was already suffering from. She managed another brief reprieve during the afternoon shift change and sat enjoying her first coffee in a year, apparently, chatting casually with Neelix, who'd manage to overcome his own shock earlier.  
  
Reactions, for the most part, were quite similar, so when Seven entered and proceeded to avoid her, Kathryn was a little confused. She watched Kathryn carefully, as though waiting for her to pull out a phaser and start shooting people. Kathryn tried to engage her in conversation a number times, but Seven fled almost immediately.  
  
Whatever her issue, she seemed disinclined to discuss the matter here. Obviously Kathryn would need to find her later in a less public setting.  
  
It wasn't until about eighteen hundred when the rest of the senior-staff made an appearance. Harry came in first, and while his original reaction was something akin to Seven's he quickly warmed and began to gush about how much he'd missed her.  
  
"We all thought you were dead," he blubbered. "How are you here? How did you survive?"  
  
Those were the important questions; questions to which Kathryn had no answer, at least not at this stage.  
  
"I wish I could tell you, Harry," she answered vaguely.  
  
In response he threw his arms around her and pulled her into a warm hug. He wasn't the first to do so today and he probably wouldn't be the last.  
  
She pulled back, holding the young man's shoulders and gave a weak smile — weak because she was on the verge of tears. For the whole day she'd been struggling to find the right words to say to the most distraught members of her crew.  
  
"We really missed you, Captain," Harry muttered.  
  
"Tell me about your year, Harry," she pressed. She needed to change the subject and she'd found that to be an effective way to do so today.  
  
Harry cleared his throat and thoughtfully glanced to the ceiling. "To be honest, Captain, the year has been kind of uneventful. We've not interacted with many new species-"  
  
Kathryn's eyes flicked immediately to the doors as they opened as Chakotay entered. Their eyes met, as though drawn to one another and he gave a light smile which she returned.  
  
He moved into the room, but didn't make a move to join them. He mustn't have wished to interrupt Harry's time with her — that didn't stop him from glancing in her direction as often as — well, as often as she was glancing in _his_ direction.  
  
"- trapped in the ravine. Because we couldn't be beamed out they had to fly a shuttle as low as they could and lower a ladder for me and Tom to climb," Harry laughed.  
  
Kathryn snapped back to her conversation realising that she'd missed a majority of the story. Taking a cue from Harry she gave a light laugh.  
  
"It sounds like I missed out on some fun," she said without thinking.  
  
He gave a pained grimace and his eyes flicked away in a vain attempt to hide his reaction.  
  
"Oh, Harry, I'm sorry," Kathryn breathed. "I didn't mean -” _to not be here?_ She trailed off rather than finish her sentence.  
  
"No, Captain, it's not your fault."  
  
She felt as though it was. Despite the fact that there was no way to have known what would happen she still felt as though she should have been able to avoid it... whatever _it_ was.  
  
Chakotay's timing, as always, was impeccable. He stepped up, placing a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder. "I hope I'm not interrupting?"  
  
"Of course not, Cap- ah -” Harry glanced between the two of them and Chakotay's eyes fell on Kathryn.  
  
"Commander," Chakotay stated firmly.  
  
"Right," Harry said as though the answer should have been obvious.  
  
They stood in silence for a short time before Chakotay finally spoke, though he seemed a little hesitant. "I — hope this hasn't been too overwhelming," he indicated the room.  
  
There were time Kathryn truly thought Chakotay might have some telepathic ability. He seemed to know her so _very_ well. She gave a small, grateful smile before shaking her head. "Not at all, the crew have all been wonderful."  
  
Harry beamed at that, almost as though she was personally complimenting him.  
  
None of them noticed that the doors had opened again until they heard the Doctor. Kathryn turned to see him striding toward her, face full of concern. "Captain," he called out from across the room. "I'm afraid have some alarming news."  
  
The noise around her seemed to dull and she felt, more than heard what the Doctor was saying. Harry and Chakotay's reactions and the Doctor's solemn expression spoke volumes. "You appear to be in a state of temporal flux. If we can't figure out a way to realign your body, you will disappear again in approximately two days."


	5. Chapter 5

The senior staff had gathered in sickbay after the Doctor delivered his news. After further testing the Doctor confidently added to his earlier assessment that, worst case scenario, Kathryn would reappear after around three hundred and fifty days. The addition did nothing to boost morale, but seemed to light a fire under them.  
  
They all began work immediately. Even Chakotay and Tuvok, whose experience in science and medicine was limited at best, helped theorise possible solutions.  
  
One positive out of all of this, though, was that Seven finally opened up to her. She approached Kathryn when everyone else seemed to be busy. Her posture and expression were the most reserved Kathryn ever witnessed.  
  
"I am uncertain how I should feel," she revealed in a soft voice. "In some ways I think of you as a parent, and though I have lost parents before, I did not know them. I do not remember them."  
  
"Oh, Seven," Kathryn whispered. It all made sense now. Seven had little experience when it came to loss. In all likelihood she'd had no idea how to react in general. She must have been so confused when Kathryn had reappeared and probably a little sceptical.  
  
"I apologise, I should not have avoided you."  
  
"No, Seven, I understand," Kathryn attempted to comfort her. "You should never be afraid to express how you feel." Her eyes flicked automatically toward Chakotay and she attempted to cover the reaction by glancing over the rest of the senior staff.  
  
Whether Seven noticed or not she wasn't given the opportunity to express the fact.  
  
"That might work!" B'Elanna exclaimed.  
  
Kathryn glanced up to see her talking to Harry and the Doctor in the Doctor's office. They'd gained the attention of everyone in the room.  
  
The engineer noticed everyone staring and motioned for them all to join her.  
  
Kathryn moved up with the rest of the crew, all of whom appeared as anxious as she to hear the answer to this riddle.  
  
"Working on the Doctor's findings, we've established that your body is somehow out of sync with this reality," Harry began. "If we flood your body with tachyons at the time you're about to shift out of our reality, they should force you to stabilise."  
  
"How long will it take to prepare?" Chakotay asked.  
  
Harry glanced toward B'Elanna who shook her head dismissively. "Not long at all. We can use the containment area, here in sickbay," Harry nodded to the other room.  
  
"If your theory is correct, this will work," Seven added in.  
  
"Then let's do it," Chakotay ordered before blinking and glancing toward Kathryn as though looking for authorisation.  
  
She gave a bright grin and cocked her head to the side. "Who am I to object?"  
  
"I'll make a more accurate calculation of our timeframe," the Doctor stated.  
  
"I shall assist," Seven added quickly.  
  
Everyone began work immediately, except of course for Tuvok, Chakotay and Kathryn. Kathryn couldn't help but feel in the way, despite her science background. Her senior staff had things well in hand, it appeared.  
  
Tuvok made his way back to the bridge, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay pretty much on their own.  
  
"You know, it occurs to me that I still owe you dinner," Kathryn commented as they exited sickbay. They seemed to just be walking idly now.  
  
Chakotay exhaled a small laugh, though his eyes seemed distant and troubled. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and for a moment she thought he was going to decline. "Your quarters are probably out."  
  
She gave a smile. "With my furniture being a few hundred light-years away, probably."  
  
He chuckled lightly, though there was still that glimmer of distress in his eyes. Once again she had the urge to console him, but couldn't find the right words.  
  
"Since this is your first meal in a year — whether you remember it or not, how about I cook?" he offered.  
  
She breathed a laugh. "That might be for the best," she agreed.  
  
"And in the meantime I'll have someone beam some furniture to your quarters."  
  
"I'd appreciate that," she said with a light chuckle. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chakotay stayed with Kathryn throughout the last day. She'd been within the containment field for the last two hours receiving a small dose of tachyon particles, expertly tuned by B'Elanna, Seven, Harry and the Doctor.  
  
The time she was supposed to phase was fast approaching and Chakotay couldn't help but feel anxious about the results of the test.  
  
To keep her busy during the time — to keep them both busy and focussed on another task, Chakotay had brought reports from the past year down so they could begin going through them.  
  
"And they agreed to the exchange?"  
  
Chakotay gave a short laugh before nodding. "Their world was rich in deuterium and they quite liked the flavour."  
  
"Of leola root?" She waved her PADD at the force field for emphasis.  
  
"I suppose everyone in the galaxy has different taste."  
  
She cocked her head to the side in a conciliatory manner. "I guess so."  
  
"Neelix was, of course, devastated to lose the last of his supply," Chakotay continued on.  
  
"No doubt," Kathryn laughed. "But that deuterium will last years," she exclaimed.  
  
"Four years, ten months and three days, Seven calculated — that is of course based on Voyager's average consumption."  
  
"More importantly, no more rationing," Kathryn added with a beautiful smile. "At least not for a while."  
  
Chakotay crossed his fingers and returned the smile. For a moment he forgot the deep depression he'd fallen into only a year ago. He forgot all the pain, all the fear and the self-loathing. He even forgot about the possibility of losing her again. For the first time since her disappearance he was living in the moment. Her smile had always had that effect on him — it always would.  
  
"Now we just need someone willing to trade us a cargo bay full of dilithium and duranium and we'll be set."  
  
Kathryn let out a light laugh. "Not a tall order at all."  
  
Her eyes flicked down to the PADD and she moved on to the next report, sucking air through her teeth as though pained by what she read. Chakotay glanced at his own PADD to remember the next item. Voyager had been attacked by a species known as the Chutali, for crossing into their territory. Sixteen people had been injured. The Doctor and Tom struggled to treat them all and they'd almost lost two members of the crew.  
  
"Were there any warnings?" Kathryn questioned delicately.  
  
"No," Chakotay answered. Had there been any indication that they were stepping into hostile territory, he'd have steered well clear. The only reason the crew even knew who their attackers were was thanks to a neighbouring species stepped in to assist Voyager after the engagement.  
  
She continued to read through his report and nodded for a short time before her face fell in what he could only describe as heartbreak. He glanced between the PADD and her, before checking his own report. He didn't remember adding anything that should have provoked that reaction. Then again, the incident had occurred nearly eight months ago and he hadn't been back through his reports since then.  
  
He glanced through and cringed as he reached the rather line: 'We missed our opportunity for justice last time. Maybe this time we should have taken our opportunity.' He should have reread his reports before giving them to her.  
  
"It — was a rough few months," he attempted lamely.  
  
Wordlessly she glanced up, eyes filled with deep concern. He thought she might question him on the comment, but before she could, Seven's voice interrupted.  
  
"There are five minutes until the time Captain Janeway should phase."  
  
Chakotay had almost forgotten there was anyone else in the room. He turned to see Harry and B'Elanna monitoring the tachyon generation, the Doctor and Tom hovering with medical tricorders in hand, ready to take their readings and Tuvok, waiting patiently to the side, probably feeling about as useful as Chakotay had been. Seven approached the force field, drawing a rather ragged breath — ragged for Seven, that is.  
  
"Captain, we are increasing the tachyon output, you should feel nothing."  
  
Kathryn merely nodded, before smiling with far more optimism than Chakotay could manage.  
  
They waited. Chakotay felt as though someone should have been speaking — running down numbers, counting down the minutes or maybe just saying something to fill the silence. But they all just waited.  
  
The five minutes seemed to last an eternity and Chakotay actually jumped when the Doctor spoke up. "I'm not reading any phase variance...” he grinned and turned toward Harry. "It would appear your theory was correct, Mr Kim."  
  
B'Elanna breathed a long sigh of relief and Tom strode over to the young man, grabbing his shoulder in a thankful gesture.  
  
Chakotay, however, couldn't keep his eyes off Kathryn. After the last year, after the _hell_ they'd been through, after the mourning and the anguish, she was back. He sent out a silent thanks to whatever deity had been -  
  
His thought was interrupted by a bleeping, coming from the Doctor's tricorder. The hologram glanced down and shook his head. "That can't be right."  
  
And before anyone could jump into action, Kathryn vanished.


	7. Chapter 7

Kathryn was incredibly surprised to find herself in an unmade bed in her quarters. It took some time before she remembered the past couple of days — the news that she was going to vanish and the crew scrambling to prevent anything from happening to her.  
  
The last thing she remembered was a heartbroken look on Chakotay's face — they'd been in sickbay.  
  
She sat up and was surprised again to find herself in her nightgown, rather than the uniform she'd been wearing only moments ago. _At least she hadn't woken on the floor this time,_ she mused with a yawn.  
  
"Computer, what's the time?" she requested, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.  
  
"Thirteen, forty two hours."  
  
Mid afternoon, at least everyone would be awake.  
  
"Locate Commander Chakotay," she continued.  
  
The computer bleeped in response. "Please restate request."  
  
She stared at the wall in confusion until she realised that she could hardly perform her role as Captain in her current state - Chakotay's rank must have been amended in the computer.  
  
"Locate Captain Chakotay," she tried again. Despite her belief that he was the best choice of replacement in her stead, she still choked around the word. She couldn't stand the thought of failing her crew, whether she had any control over her condition or not.  
  
"Captain Chakotay is in sickbay."  
  
Sickbay?  
  
Her imagination ran away, immediately coming up with the worst situations until she realised that he was probably there waiting for her. The crew had probably established the time she'd return and thought she'd reappear in the medical bay. That made sense and honestly she'd love to know the answer to that particular question.  
  
She'd need to head down, obviously and see whether they'd found any answers. She tapped her chest to contact Chakotay, forgetting again that she was in her pyjamas. Rolling her eyes, she shook her head and proceeded to the replicator and made herself a new uniform.  
  
Readying quickly, she headed out of her quarters, not bothering to contact sickbay first. They'd have too many questions that she'd rather fail at answering in person.  
  
To her surprise though, the only occupants in sickbay were the Doctor and Chakotay, who appeared more than a little stunned to see her walk in.  
  
"I assume you were expecting me here?" she remarked before either of them found their voice.  
  
Chakotay gave a short laugh that sounded less amused and more relieved. "About four hours ago."  
  
She wanted to say something to lighten the mood, but couldn't quite find the words.  
  
The Doctor grabbed a medical tricorder from a nearby bench. "Ah, I guess while you're here I'd like to take some readings," he motioned toward one of the bio-beds and began his scan.  
  
Chakotay glanced around as though suddenly uncomfortable. "I — I'll go get you some coffee," he offered. "I'm sure B'Elanna, Harry and Seven would be interested in your findings, Doctor."  
  
He wasn't just uncomfortable, he was avoiding her gaze. She watched after him with a concerned frown which the Doctor obviously picked up on.  
  
"He was just— anxious," the hologram spoke after the doors closed. "We were beginning to worry that we were incorrect last year."  
  
Kathryn nodded slowly letting his words sink in properly. Last year. A part of her had hoped that she'd been only been gone a short time, that they'd figured out how to bring her back earlier. She cleared her throat. "How long?"  
  
"Three hundred forty three days," the Doctor avoided her eyes as well.  
  
She couldn't help but wonder whether there was something he wasn't telling her. Maybe she could broach the subject subtly.  
  
"Tell me, Doctor, how are the crew?"  
  
He paused for a moment before letting out a short sigh. "Tensions are — high," he told her. His eyes didn't move from his tricorder though. After what appeared to be a short internal debate on the hologram's part he shook his head sniffed. "The Captain has taken your absence rather poorly... the crew, too."  
  
Kathryn closed her eyes feeling immediately guilty for this whole incident. If she'd kept more regular hours maybe none of this would have happened — or if she'd just stayed in her ready room a while longer.  
  
She rubbed her brow feeling a familiar tension headache set in almost immediately. The crew were suffering because of her again — she _had_ to figure out how to fix this.  
  
Idly she wondered how much progress B'Elanna, Harry and Seven had made. She'd need to spend her time here wisely.  
  
"How long did you say you've been here for?" The Doctor questioned out of the blue.  
  
She hadn't, but she considered the answer; counting the time she'd taken to dress and walk down. "Maybe twenty minutes," she answered. The hologram's brow furrowed and he frowned thoughtfully. "Why, what's wrong?"  
  
Before the Doctor could respond, the doors opened and Chakotay returned; coffee in hand. He offered the drink over and she gave a grateful smile. "You didn't have to do that, you know."  
  
"What, and leave you here for who knows how long without coffee?" Chakotay responded with a brilliant grin. At least he seemed to have recovered somewhat, though there was a distance in his eyes she hadn't seen before.  
  
She returned the smile and took a sip. For some reason this coffee tasted better than any she'd had in a rather long time.  
  
"Actually, Captain, I'm finished for now," the Doctor responded, snapping his tricorder shut. "I see no reason to keep you."  
  
She blinked in surprise, glancing to Chakotay who apparently shared her confusion. But she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She offered her arm to Chakotay and he took it, helping her off the bio-bed.  
  
"Well, Captain," Chakotay began as they exited sickbay. " B'Elanna, Seven and Harry have requested that you visit engineering — they have another theory about what might keep you here."  
  
She motioned down the corridor, toward the nearest turbolift, with her mug. "Then, on to engineering."  
  
If anyone could figure this out, B'Elanna, Harry and Seven would be able to. Hopefully it wouldn't be too much longer before life returned to normal.  
  
He nodded in response and they made their way to engineering in a rather uncharacteristic silence. She wanted to ask so many questions, but couldn't help the feeling that Chakotay didn't want to talk — at least not yet.  
  
Part of her wanted to pretend she couldn't see the change in her friend, but the truth was that Chakotay had never been this reserved or this depressed. She hated the idea that she was causing so much heartache, especially with him.  
  
On the way they bumped into a few members of the crew and she received a couple of hugs and sobbed greetings that left her feeling more than a little fragile, emotionally. Though he was trying to hide it, Kathryn could tell that Chakotay was beginning to choke up a number of times during the interactions. But he held it together much better than she. She'd always felt rather in tune with the emotions of those on her crew, this incident being no exception.  
  
By the time they reached engineering she was just about in tears. Thankfully she managed to contain herself, though many of the engineering staff pressed her efforts.  
  
B'Elanna, Seven and Harry were no different from the rest of the crew, though Kathryn noted the way they treated one another and the way they treated Chakotay. They all avoided his gaze if they could help it and all three were incredibly... nice and patient with one another.  
  
After a small reunion they cut right to work and Seven and B'Elanna began to speak at the same time. Where once they might have argued over the matter both glanced to one another patiently before Seven lifted her hand, offering for B'Elanna to take the lead. The gesture didn't seem disingenuous, but Kathryn couldn't help the feeling that they were being overly kind for her sake.  
  
"Ah, so, Captain, we haven't made as much progress as we'd have liked, to be honest," B'Elanna glanced at the other two.  
  
"We required more data on your condition," Seven interjected. To her credit, B'Elanna only inhaled sharply, then nodded.  
  
"But we think we were close," Harry finished. Seven wasn't quite as successful at hiding her frustration.  
  
"Well that's good," Kathryn managed.  
  
"If it's alright, Captain, we'd like to do some tests now?" B'Elanna asked cautiously.  
  
Kathryn had nothing better to do, apparently. She shrugged and nodded.  
  
"I'll be on the bridge if you need me," Chakotay said before turning to the others. "Don't forget about Prixin."  
  
Before she was able to say anything more to him, he departed. The engineering staff, B'Elanna and Harry all relaxed visibly when he left. Was this tension due to her disappearance as well? Before now she couldn't imagine a divide between Chakotay and the crew.  
  
If they weren't able to stop her from disappearing again, then she had to at least try to repair the damage.


	8. Chapter 8

The crew, once again, were a little overenthusiastic when it came to the Prixin celebrations. Kathryn became exhausted rather quickly; after all, she'd only just attended the event a couple of days ago — from her own perspective, at least.  
  
She could hardly blame them. They were celebrating her return. So she smiled and laughed and cried with those who needed it and when Chakotay asked her to retire for dinner, she said yes a little too eagerly. They departed the mess hall arm in arm, just like old times.  
  
"If I'm not mistaken," she attempted playfully, "it was my turn to cook for you."  
  
Chakotay cleared his throat and tugged his ear. "Ah, yeah, I guess you're right."  
  
She stepped in front of him, giving an expression of mock insult. "Are you saying that don't want to eat my cooking?" she couldn't help but smirk as she spoke, giving away her charade.  
  
He gave a short laugh. "Well, it's just that -” he glanced toward the window as though trying to think of a reason.  
  
"If anything is going to keep me here this time, it's not going to be _my_ cooking?" She finished for him.  
  
Rather than being amused, he seemed a little hurt by the comment. His eye fell from hers and he shifted a little. "Would that my cooking _could_ keep you here," he muttered.  
  
Kathryn closed her eyes, silently cursing herself for the comment. She probably didn't need to bring her condition up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean -”  
  
"I know," he interjected with a light smile. "It's ok," he offered his arm again and she took it gratefully.  
  
"If you're making dinner," Kathryn decided to change the subject. "How about that mushroom and cashew roast?" she suggested hungrily. Her stomach grumbled at the mere suggestion.  
  
He chuckled lightly. "You know that if you want me to make it properly, it takes a while," he reminded her.  
  
"Then we'll have some time to catch up," she said without missing a beat. They hadn't had much time to talk last year and if she wanted to assess the situation on board there was no better person to question than Chakotay.  
  
He bobbed his head in acquiescence and they continued on to his quarters.  
  
When they entered Kathryn was shocked by what she saw — or more accurately, what she didn't see. His quarters were almost empty. The few belongings he had on display were a photo of his mother on the dresser, a small statuette Kathryn had given him for his birthday four years ago and her copy of Dante's Inferno. As possessions went, these spoke volumes.  
  
He headed immediately for the replicator, so he didn't see the question and the concern in her eyes. This wasn't a good way to bring it up, nor was this a good time, really. Once they'd finished dinner she could ask him about it, about everything.  
  
When he turned around, hands full of vegetables; she was able to give a sincere and warm smile, which he returned in kind. She'd offer to help prepare, but she knew he'd refuse. He'd tried to show her his techniques numerous times, with varied degrees of success. After about the fifth attempt he accused her of feigning her difficulties, albeit in a jocular manner, and forbade her from helping again. Maybe she had been faking... a little.  
  
So she sat at the table with him, reaching for a topic they could discuss. There was so much she'd missed, it was hard to know where to begin.  
  
"I guess I could begin on reports from — well the last two years, since we didn't get far through the first year," Chakotay spoke as though reading her mind.  
  
"Good idea," she agreed. But she had an addendum: "Just tell me about the fun you had."  
  
He glanced up from arranging the vegetable as though she'd spoken another language.  
  
She thought for a moment that she'd hurt him again, but he drew a breath as though considering the answer.  
  
"Fun," he repeated distantly. And then he stood, thinking for an unfortunately long time. So long that Kathryn almost retracted the query, until he gave a breathy laugh. "Harry accidentally married a prince."  
  
"Married?" Kathryn exclaimed with a laugh.  
  
Chakotay began to chuckle again, which was rather reassuring. "Yes, he led an away mission to help ship stranded in the atmosphere of a planet. It turned out to be the ship of a royal from a nearby star system. We helped them return home and they wanted to throw a celebration in Harry's honour, so a few of us went down to the planet and -” Chakotay began laughing as he spoke. "- and the prince asked Harry to perform some kind of ceremony, before declaring them married."  
  
Kathryn clamped a hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh out loud. "Poor Harry," she managed.  
  
"We managed to clear it all up, obviously before leaving," Chakotay added with an amused snort.  
  
"Oh — I wish you'd told me this earlier," this earned her a curious smile. "I didn't get to congratulate him."  
  
Chakotay laughed again. "Oh, please do anyway. When it happened he turned as red as our uniforms," he motioned between them. "I'd love to see that again."  
  
Kathryn reached across the table and nudged him playfully in the arm. "Don't you think he's been through enough?"  
  
He chuckled and gave a nod. "He very definitely has."  
  
Chakotay continued to prepare the food while seemingly trying to recall more 'fun' incidents that had happened.  
  
"Oh, there was the time Neelix lost Miral on deck seven."  
  
"He what?"  
  
"He was babysitting and made the foolish mistake of putting her down. Klingon toddlers are fast," he made a swift motion with a carrot as though to indicate her speed.  
  
"Oh, I'll bet B'Elanna was impressed."  
  
"I don't think I've ever seen her so angry. Certainly not while on Voyager."  
  
Kathryn smiled fondly, imaging the incident. "Where did you end up finding her?"  
  
"She was wandering between section thirty two and thirty three and apparently having a good time avoiding the teams searching for her."  
  
Leaning back in her chair she made an attempt to visualise the incident, without much success. She didn't actually know what Miral looked like. That thought was disarming.  
  
What happened if they couldn't stabilise her? Would she spend the rest of her life only knowing the girl anecdotally and her crew for that matter? The idea came like a punch in the gut and she wasn't quite quick enough to hide the pain from her expression.  
  
"Are you alright?" Chakotay queried in concern.  
  
She forced a small smile. "I'm fine," she lied. A lie she used all too often and one that — Chakotay placed the last of the vegetables he'd been cutting down and gave her a frank frown.  
  
She couldn't possibly put this on him. Surely he was stressed enough with the situation as it was. She shook her head, declining to say anything more, but, as always, he seemed to almost able to read her mind.  
  
"They're going to figure it out," he sounded rather more confident than Kathryn felt.  
  
Then he returned to wordlessly preparing their meal.  
  
She wanted to say something, to agree with him or weigh in somehow. Instead she sat silently as he made the loaf and placing it back in the replicator to cook. When he finished, he returned and leant against the table and for the first time since her return she could see his anxiety and his depression. For a short time he stared at nothing in particular, before finally glancing up, eyes glistening with tears.  
  
"Oh, Chakotay," she reached across and placed a hand on his, which he fixated on.  
  
"I just — I just don't know if I can do it, Kathryn," he managed.  
  
She squeezed gently as a show of support. "Of course you can, Chakotay. You're one of the best Commanding officers I've -”  
  
"Not that," he cut her off gently. "You," he shook his head. "I just — I can't go through it again — not a third time, I can't lose you again." He withdrew his hand and buried his face in his palms, obviously trying not to weep.  
  
She honestly didn't know what to say. Instead she stood and placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping the gesture would help — at least a little.  
  
He shook his head in frustration. "I'm so sorry. You don't need this. You have enough on your mind."  
  
"Chakotay, you don't have to be alone in this," she could feel the irony of her statement as she spoke, but she seldom saw him so — vulnerable. He always seemed to internalise his emotions, unless he had an issue with a decision she'd made as Captain. To see him so openly broken and upset... well, it hurt.  
  
His hand found hers and he squeezed gently. Though he seemed to try hiding it, she could feel his hand trembling. She choked up as she thought about everything she wanted to say, everything she should say. How could she possibly reassure him when she wasn't so positive about an answer?  
  
"I don't want to miss out on any more of Voyager's journey," Kathryn admitted. "I'm — I'm scared, Chakotay."  
  
From his expression he was as shocked as he was dismayed by her admission.  
  
"I won't let that happen," he whispered, his own pain apparently forgotten. Then suddenly he was wrapping his arms around her and she fell easily into his embrace.  
  
Her grief seemed to take over and before she knew it their lips met and her hands, as though with a mind of their own, began removing his uniform jacket.  
  
He pulled back and for a frightful moment she thought she'd miscalculated, but he met her eyes, a little out of breath. "Are you sure about this, Kathryn?"  
  
The question was valid, the crew could easily find a solution for her situation - but honestly, Kathryn was so sick and tired of being alone. She'd been in love with Chakotay for years and watched with heartache each time he found someone else to focus his attentions. Yes, she was certain, _especially_ if everything returned to normal.  
  
She nodded and gave a light smile, earning a brilliant dimpled grin in return.


	9. Chapter 9

Chakotay woke from arguably the best night of his life; certainly his best night on Voyager. Kathryn had fallen asleep, her head resting in the crook of his arm and though his arm had gone numb, it was a wonderful feeling.  
  
Here he could ignore the world; pretend that everything was going to be ok.  
  
She must have sensed his movement. Her thumb began lightly caressing his bare chest and her eyes began to flutter open. When she saw him she smiled and whispered, "good morning." Hers was the most spectacular smile.  
  
He rolled toward her so that he could wrap his arms around her and plant a kiss on her forehead. "Yes, it is."  
  
Her lips trailed light kisses along his chest, up to his jaw and her hands began to brush against his chest and thigh. He didn't need much encouragement to become aroused again — well, honestly it didn't take a lot for her to arouse him in general.  
  
"If you keep going like that -” Chakotay managed, "- you're going to miss out on breakfast as well."  
  
She pulled back with a wicked grin.  
  
_"Sickbay to Captain Janeway,"_ the Doctor's voice interrupted.  
  
They both sighed in frustration, before Kathryn rolled back, reaching to the bedside table for her comm badge. "Janeway here, Doctor, what is it?"  
  
"Captain, may I see you in sickbay?"  
  
Kathryn closed her eyes, schooling her frustration. "What is this about?" she attempted again.  
  
"I'd rather discuss that in person," the hologram responded. Kathryn gave Chakotay a curious frown, to which he shrugged.  
  
"Ok, I'm on my way," she finally acquiesced before tapping her comm badge again. She gave another frustrated sigh before rolling out of bed to get ready.  
  
"Would you like me to come with you?" Chakotay offered automatically.  
  
She turned to him, giving a thoughtful frown before finally nodding.  
  
Chakotay hadn't even considered the hour until they were walking through the decks, encountering members of the crew finishing their early morning shifts. Some seemed genuinely surprised to see them up, let alone out and about. Other crew members gave knowing smiles that he pretended not to see and Kathryn — well, ignored?  
  
When they arrived in sickbay the Doctor seemed momentarily surprised to see Chakotay, but turned his attentions and a medical tricorder on Kathryn soon thereafter.  
  
Kathryn fixed him with an unimpressed glare, prompting him to clear his holographic throat. "I'm following up on the scans I performed yesterday," he muttered.  
  
"Surely this could have waited until later?"  
  
He ignored her and moved to upload his newest scan into the computer.  
  
"Doctor?" Kathryn snapped in irritation.  
  
The hologram's expression fell.  
  
Whatever it was, Chakotay had the feeling that he didn't want to hear it.  
  
"Doctor!" Kathryn snapped again.  
  
He glanced first at Chakotay, as though wondering whether to pass this new information on in front of him.  
  
"He's going to find out soon anyway," Kathryn prompted.  
  
The Doctor let out a sigh and nodded, before handing Kathryn a PADD he'd downloaded whatever information onto. "It would appear, Captain, that — you're degrading."  
  
"What do you mean?" Chakotay asked quickly. Kathryn appeared shocked, but focussed on the PADD.  
  
"Captain Janeway is losing time, she'll lose about four or five hours each time she vanishes," he glanced to the Captain with a concerned frown. "I estimate that after fourteen years, if we still haven't found a way to return her to normal, she'll disappear permanently."  
  
Chakotay wasn't entirely too sure how to absorb the information. He felt as though his legs might just give out from underneath him. His eyes met Kathryn's and he could see her anguish plainly. This might hurt him — but it was killing her.  
  
He wanted to say something to put her mind at ease. He wanted to tell her again that Voyager's engineers and scientists would find a way to stabilise her, but the words seemed so hollow.  
  
"Fourteen years is a long time," she managed weakly.  
  
She needed to be strong and she needed Chakotay to be strong for her. He nodded his agreement. "Everyone on this crew wants to find a way to bring you back to us and we won't rest until we do."  
  
She should have been comforted by the sentiment, but she glanced away, appearing distressed.  
  
Fourteen years felt like nothing at all.


	10. Chapter 10

B'Elanna came up with another idea: a lower dose of tachyons over a longer period of time. Kathryn spent her third day sitting in the containment area in sickbay with a hopeful senior-staff crowded around.  
  
But she woke in her quarters, in her pyjamas, probably around a year after their last attempt to keep her in temporal sync. She gave a heavy sigh before pushing herself out of bed again and dressing. She barely pulled on her uniform jacket before the door to her quarters buzzed.  
  
Her visitor was of course Chakotay. Despite the fact that he must have known she was her, he still seemed a little stunned to see her. He stared for a moment, before giving a light smile. They hadn't had a real chance to talk after the Doctor had given her the bad news. He had a nervous energy about him, in some part probably because of her return, but their night together probably had something to do with his anxious behaviour.  
  
She'd loved him for a long time and being with him had felt right — but had it just been their grief? If she wasn't in this situation, would this have happened?  
  
The real answer was no. She couldn't afford to be distracted by a relationship, not while Captaining Voyager. If they were home, that was another story. This situation she'd found herself in now, though, well — this was unexplored territory.  
  
"How have you been, Chakotay?"  
  
He cleared his throat and gave a small smile. "As well as can be expected."  
  
She couldn't fault him for being indirect. Years of being Captain had taught her to shield herself.  
  
"We managed to befriend a species who had subspace tunnels throughout their territory. They let us use them, bringing us another five thousand light-years closer to home," he mentioned.  
  
Kathryn did the mental calculations. "We're in the Beta Quadrant?"  
  
Chakotay gave another, broader grin. "Just."  
  
"And how is the crew?"  
  
He nodded slowly. "They're good," he said simply, before giving a light frown.  
  
"What is it?" was there bad news?  
  
"Well — B'Elanna's pregnant again -"  
  
"Oh that's wonderful!" Kathryn exclaimed.  
  
"And Ensigns Harding and Lucas were married five weeks ago." Obviously this was wonderful news, but he seemed so anxious about passing it on.  
  
"That's good, good for them," she truly was happy that the Voyager crew were happy, with or without her. Of course it would have been nice to be at their wedding or to hear the news from B'Elanna, but they deserved to be happy, whether she was here to share the joy with them or not.  
  
He didn't respond and they found themselves standing in somewhat of an awkward silence. Kathryn knew they had a lot to talk about, but where should they start?  
  
After a few minutes Chakotay finally cleared his throat. "The Doctor would like to see you. I wasn't sure if you wanted to visit straight away or -”  
  
"Soon," she had to start somewhere. If this was to be her life — why would she not spend the few days she had left with a man she loved? "We never got a chance to talk."  
  
He stiffened as though expecting bad news.  
  
Moving up to him she placed a hand over his heart and gave a soft smile. "Chakotay, I don't want to go backwards."  
  
His eyes closed and he gave a comforted grin. "Neither do I."  
  
"Good," she moved her hand to caress his cheek, running her fingers back behind his neck and up into his hair.  
  
He lifted a hand and stopped hers in its tracks. "But, Kathryn, what if the crew finds a solution today?"  
  
That was a fair question, but the fact that he asked it hurt. It was a question she hadn't really processed, not yet. The answer leapt to her, however. She _hoped_ they would find a solution; the idea of waking up next to Chakotay every day for years to come was heart-warming, and overall appealing. She'd always been close to taking this step. Maybe this was just the universe's way of pushing her in the right direction?  
  
"I guess — I'll need to get used to your snoring, again."  
  
Chakotay leaned back as though offended. "I do not snore."  
  
Kathryn pursed her lips and cocked her head to the side.  
  
"Well — you're a blanket hog."


	11. Chapter 11

The crew did not find a solution that year — nor the next, though that didn't stop them from trying.  
  
That year they attempted to take Kathryn as far away from Voyager as they could, in the hope that whatever was tethering her there would sever. She and Chakotay took the Flyer — which actually proved to be a rather nice break from the Doctor's testing.  
  
By this time it had become evident to the crew that the nature of their relationship had changed. Whether Chakotay told the crew or they figured it out on their own, Kathryn wasn't sure. They at least seemed happy to respect their time together — part of the reason he was the one to head out with her.  
  
The time seemed more like a weekend away than a scientific experiment, though Kathryn did run her own tests, of course.  
  
When she woke in her bed aboard Voyager, her heart sank.  
  
But she pressed on. She crept out of her quarters and into Chakotay's. He'd made an obvious effort to stay awake, but she'd appeared at zero three hundred and found him asleep on his sofa.  
  
Waking him wasn't difficult, but it sure was enjoyable. Before he was even entirely awake he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close for an intimate kiss`.  
  
"I missed you," he whispered against her lips. "I missed you so much."  
  
She couldn't exactly return the sentiment; she'd only been away from him for maybe an hour. She could understand how he felt, though. If she was in his shoes she would miss him terribly.  
  
"I wish things were different," she managed breathlessly. She truly did.  
  
They spent a few hours together, first in his bed and then after a few hours Chakotay decided that he wanted to prepare for the day. He had a special meal planned and since nobody was up, he decided now was as good a time as any to pick up his Antarian Cider, from the cargo bay, apparently.  
  
"You don't mind me knowing where your secret stash is?" She questioned with amusement.  
  
He let out a short laugh. "With the threat of less cider, should anyone else find it, I feel like the secret's safe with you."  
  
Unfortunately the crew weren't so inclined to allow them the day this time.  
  
"You want to put me in stasis?" Kathryn stared aghast at B'Elanna and Seven who seemed think this not an unreasonable request.  
  
They glanced at one another as though hoping the other might be the one with the explanation.  
  
"I do not believe this will keep you here, but I believe we will gain valuable information relating to your situation," Seven admitted.  
  
She agreed, if reluctantly. They requested she begin her stasis a _full day_ before she was due to vanish and so her time with Chakotay was cut short once again.  
  
When she woke in her quarters again she was pleased to see Chakotay seated by the end of her bed. He gave a fond smile when she sat up.  
  
"I hoped you'd be waiting for me," she admitted.  
  
"Always," he responded simply, before moving to kiss her again. She marvelled at the way he managed to make each kiss seem more passionate than the last. If she'd ever had any doubts about his affections, they were easily laid to rest now.  
  
This year's plan was to — unbelievably, stun her with a phaser. Harry theorised that the phased energy might restore her to normal. Of course no one wanted to shoot her — even Tuvok had his reservations, but in the end he was the one to pull the trigger.  
  
Kathryn felt jittery for hours after her visit to sickbay. The sensation only subsided when she woke in her quarters again.  
  
Chakotay wasn't here this time. She found him in his own quarters, staring fixedly at some unknown star out the window. This was the first time she'd noticed the lines creasing his brow and touching his eyes.  
  
"We lost six people this year," he told her solemnly.  
  
She was at a loss for words. Her heart ached for him. Harry and Jamie Foster had been killed on an away mission, during an ambush. Susan Nicoletti had been killed saving Tuvok's life on the bridge when Voyager was being boarded. Arah Tali, Paul Rollins and Amanda Phillips had all been killed in a shuttle accident.  
  
If she'd been here she could have... No, she couldn't think like that. That wasn't fair to Chakotay and the crew, she was certain they did everything in their power to prevent the incidents from occurring.  
  
They spent the evening crying with and comforting one another. Kathryn was honestly distraught that she'd missed their funerals. How many more was she destined to miss?  
  
She needed to go for a walk, clear her head. Chakotay understood her need for solitude and didn't argue at all.  
  
She wandered for hours and for a long time she didn't encounter anyone until while heading down a corridor on deck eight she heard what sounded like Jenny Delaney talking to Angela Hardison. "The man's a wreck, honestly."  
  
Kathryn paused, feeling uncomfortable about stumbling upon gossip. She wanted make her presence known, that way they could save the gossip for when she was out of ear shot. Of course, that didn't work because they were making repairs to a relay junction and what she heard next pulled her into their discussion.  
  
"I found him crying in the hydroponics bay," Jenny's voice spoke. "About a week after she vanished last year."  
  
"Oh, I bet that was comfortable."  
  
"He didn't notice me." There was a pause. "He sat clutching one of those roses he began growing, sobbing in the corner. I wasn't really interested in sticking around."  
  
"What, you just left him there?"  
  
"I'd have talked to B'Elanna, but she was so angry about the phaser not working."  
  
There was another pause, followed by a clunk, as though they had removed a section of bulk-head from the wall.  
  
"I talked to her about it later and she says he refuses to let go."  
  
One of the women let out a short, ironic laugh. "Doesn't he realise she's already dead?"  
  
"I hate to say it, but — she's being a little selfish, isn't she?"  
  
Kathryn backtracked as quickly as she could, down the corridor and toward the nearest turbolift.  
  
The image of Chakotay sitting in the hydroponics bay refused to leave her mind. How devastated he must have been to break down in such a public area. She really was selfish, wasn't she? Chakotay had spoken about his desire for a family, for children and, at least at this moment, Kathryn was in no position to give him one. This was part of the reason she could never have asked him to wait. He deserved to have a chance at being happy. He deserved someone who could be with him year round.  
  
But he wasn't the only person suffering. The women had mentioned B'Elanna's anger over the failure of last year's attmpt. The constant distraction from Voyager's goal wasn't doing anyone any favours.  
  
"Sickbay," she requested finally.  
  
If the Doctor was surprised to see her when she arrived, he didn't show it. He merely took up his medical tricorder and began what had become a routine scan.  
  
She hadn't come here for the scan, but she stood, trying to figure out how to ask the question she needed to ask.  
  
"Doctor, how are the crew holding up?" she attempted.  
  
The hologram stopped his scan for a moment and cleared his throat. "Well, that's a tough question to answer."  
  
"Try."  
  
He appeared decidedly uncomfortable, but she wasn't going to drop this line of questioning.  
  
"How are they handling my... condition?"  
  
The Doctor closed his medical tricorder, giving a miserable frown. "You must understand, Captain, they only have your best interests at heart."  
  
"You're dodging, Doctor."  
  
He gave a sigh and nodded. "They're not handling it well at all. Seven spends all of her time trying to find a solution to your problem. Captain Chakotay allows her to, because he barely functions when you're not here. Commander Tuvok has become more reserved than normal — he refuses to take personal calls to home. Lieutenant's Paris and Torres' relationship has suffered because when she's not on duty, she's helping Seven — need I go on?"  
  
Kathryn shook her head. "No," she breathed.  
  
They were losing their lives because of her.  
  
"Thank you, Doctor," she said, before turning for the door again. He tried to stop her, but she wasn't listening.  
  
How could she have allowed this to happen?  
  
She returned to her quarters, ignoring the door when it chimed, and brought up all of the research into her condition. She'd gone through much of it many times the past few — well, years, but she'd run into the same problems as everyone else. The simple fact of the matter was that given the data collected, Harry's first plan should have worked.  
  
She spent the rest of her night studying, but came no closer to an answer than her crew had.  
  
This year's plan, as it turned out, was to store Kathryn in the transporter's pattern buffer and — well, just hope that she remained there past the time she should disappear. This was one hell of a risky manoeuvre and the chance for success was slim, but she agreed nonetheless. At least it was better than being shot with a phaser. If this didn't work... if this didn't work she'd need to let go; she'd need them all to let go. She couldn't stand the idea of that conversation — or those conversations, but she couldn't drag them further into this misery.  
  
When she awoke in her quarters again, she began to weep. She was only glad Chakotay wasn't there to see her like this, not before their discussion.  
  
She called a senior-staff meeting the moment she was dressed and headed up to the bridge.  
  
They were prompt and enthusiastic to see her. Perhaps they thought she had a plan? Sadly she would need to disappoint them once again.  
  
"I need you to stop searching for a solution to my condition," she began.  
  
"No," Seven objected immediately.  
  
Kathryn was hoping for a less firm refusal, something she could argue against — 'no' hardly qualified.  
  
She drew a short breath. "This isn't a request," she told them. "This is an order."  
  
Almost everyone glanced to Chakotay. Kathryn didn't want to look at him, to be honest. She knew he'd be unimpressed by this decision and she knew he'd try to talk her out of it.  
  
Before he had a chance to speak, Tuvok spoke up. "Chakotay is merely the acting Captain."  
  
This earned him one hell of a fiery glare from B'Elanna. "You have got to be kidding me," she growled. "This is ridiculous. You're asking us to abandon you? I don't think -”  
  
Kathryn couldn't let her tirade continue. "I can't allow you to give your lives for this. I can see what my situation is doing to the crew and I can't in good conscience let that continue," she kept her tone level. "You can't sacrifice your lives trying to prolong mine."  
  
"And you expect us to just to sit back and watch you die?" B'Elanna snapped.  
  
"If you truly want to do something for me -" her eyes flicked to Chakotay before she could stop them — which he certainly noticed. "- move on. Enjoy your lives, get home — be with your loved ones." She paused hoping to drive the message home.  
  
"We will find a way to return you to normal," Seven insisted.  
  
Kathryn's gaze fell on her. "If there was a way to fix this, Seven, you'd certainly have found it by now."  
  
The meeting persisted for nearly an hour with almost every member of the senior-staff objecting in one way or another. The only person who didn't speak was Chakotay. Instead he remained until everyone else had left.  
  
She probably shouldn't have blind-sided him with this. She probably should have talked to him first and given him time to process the order.  
  
They didn't speak for some time after the doors closed. Kathryn didn't want to do this — she didn't want to hurt him, but in the long run this would be better for him.  
  
Eventually Chakotay broke the silence; his voice trembling ever so slightly. "I don't suppose I can change your mind?" He wasn't talking about her order.  
  
Kathryn let out a long slow breath before responding. "I'm sorry, no. I've been selfish enough. You need to live your life, Chakotay."  
  
He shook his head in frustration. "Did you ever even think to ask what _I_ want?"  
  
"Chakotay, I know you, you want children, a family. You want someone who can be with you more than one day a year. I can't leave you with that kind of regret." He couldn't possibly deny that.  
  
He let out a short laugh. "Kathryn, there are a lot of things I regret in my life, but my time with you isn't and will never be one of them."  
  
"And in five years? How about seven years — eight years from now are you going to be glad you chose to hold onto this?" she motioned to herself. "Please Chakotay. Please live your life."  
  
"These days with you are the only thing I live for," he sounded eerily sincere.  
  
"Oh, please don't say that, Chakotay. Please don't put your life on hold for me. There's never going to be a way to bring me back. You deserve a life, a family. You deserve to be happy."  
  
"I would rather be happy one day of the year, than spend my life lying, than spend my life with someone else."  
  
Her heart sank.


	12. Chapter 12

Chakotay didn't care what she said. On the contrary, she'd inspired him.  
  
He'd always been quite adept at learning new skills, but picking up quantum physics, temporal mechanics and biochemistry was no easy task — especially for someone with so little experience in the hard sciences. Seven and B'Elanna were all too enthusiastic to help him learn, though.  
  
What little free time he had, he spent studying. In the first year he became 'competent', as Seven said.  
  
When she returned, Kathryn would hardly speak to him, but he saw the pain in her eyes. She wanted to survive as much as they wanted her to, he could see that clearly. The only way she'd ever admit any of that though was if they could successfully solve her condition, and so long as Chakotay lived, that would be his life's mission.  
  
He'd known for years that there was no one else he wanted to be with. If he settled, it wouldn't be for love and now that he knew how Kathryn felt... that wasn't an option. His only real option was to find a way to save her.  
  
It was two years before Seven and B'Elanna trusted Chakotay enough to allow him the practical application of his training. He worked as often as he could — which led to Voyager's biggest discovery: a subspace rift, sixty light-years away with signs of debris from a Ferengi Marauder.  
  
The rift was no accident as it turned out. The Marauder's physician had survived in a life-pod and passed on the information that the Ferengi had concocted a plan to retrieve Seven's nano-probes, tearing a rift to their projected co-ordinates in the Delta Quadrant. While their experiment hadn't been successful, B'Elanna, Seven and Chakotay devised a way to stabilise the rift and open it back to the Alpha Quadrant. Well, Chakotay helped.  
  
The next time Kathryn appeared, Chakotay was waiting for her.  
  
"What are you doing here? I thought I made my feelings clear?"  
  
She had indeed. He knew exactly how much she loved him.  
  
"Actually I have a surprise for you, when you're ready," he smiled and waited patiently in the living room, as she dressed in her bathroom.  
  
She didn't respond until she returned in full uniform, pips, comm badge and all. "What kind of surprise?" she sounded dubious of his actions, but he offered her an arm and after a heavy breath, she took it and allowed him to lead her through the corridors.  
  
They'd been careful to position Voyager to ensure there were no visible features of the Alpha Quadrant, but somehow she seemed to know. She never said a word, but her eyes fixed to the stars out the window and her mouth parted in surprise the moment she saw them. Perhaps she was a better astronomer than he'd though?  
  
Her breathing became laboured and her eyes fogged with tears as they approached the mess hall.  
  
"Are you ready?" He never wanted to put her in an uncomfortable position. She never liked to appear anything less than her best in front of her friends. Still she nodded and he led her through the doorway where old friends, her mother, her sister and her sister's family waited.  
  
He watched her enjoy her homecoming that night, not willing to disrupt her night. She had so few of them left.  
  
The guests stayed well into the night and for a short time Chakotay wasn't sure how she'd react to his presence. When everyone else was gone, however, she threw her arms around him and cried — which in turn caused Chakotay to break down.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for bringing them here. Thank you for getting the crew home. Thank you for — never giving up."  
  
"I could never give up," he responded lightly.  
  
She drew back and met his eyes, hers full of sorrow again.  
  
He hoped that she understood exactly what she meant by that. He wasn't going to abandon her. As long as there was any chance he could save her, he had to try.  
  
Whatever she thought he didn't have a chance to find out that year. Starfleet brass, science and medical monopolised her time until she vanished once again.  
  
There was no way Chakotay was giving up. He took a position with Starfleet science, despite his mediocre background, and continued devouring every piece of knowledge he could find. Starfleet were remarkably accommodating and allowed him full access to the ship — particularly when Kathryn was due to arrive. The only disappointment was that they still hadn't made any progress when she did reappear.  
  
He'd been given the job of filling her in on what she'd missed since her last disappearance. Starfleet had even provided a PADD full of important news items from the time.  
  
Chakotay sat quietly enjoying a tea as Kathryn read through the notes.  
  
"The President really dissolved the Selorian Pact?" she questioned.  
  
To be honest, Chakotay didn't really know much about most of the stories in the PADD. He didn't even really know what the Selorian Pact was.  
  
"Apparently," he responded vaguely.  
  
She gave him a wry grin, as though she read his mind, to which he responded with a light laugh.  
  
"Alright, next topic then," she scrolled down and read, before taking a sharp breath. "A wormhole between the Beta Quadrant and the Delta Quadrant," she all but gasped.  
  
Chakotay cringed. _This_ he did know about — why the hell had Starfleet put it in the file?  
  
He watched her expression as she read further into news about the wormhole and its location. Her expression fell as she obviously realised where the wormhole had been located. Voyager had passed within a hundred light-years of the damn thing about ten months before the attack that had caused Kathryn's... situation.  
  
"I don't know why they put that in there," he muttered. "That was cruel."  
  
Glancing up with a forced smile, she gave a light shrug. "News, I guess," her voice huskier than usual.  
  
Lowering the PADD, she shook her head. "This isn't the news I care about," she muttered. "What about you? What about the crew and their families?"  
  
So Chakotay told her everything. A lot had happened to the crew since their return. There had been weddings and children born, but it hadn't all gone so smoothly. A majority of the crew, himself included, were suffering from PTSD; some to the stage where they'd been committed. He didn't linger on the topic. She didn't have the time to be depressed. Instead he moved on to the new assignments everyone had chosen and Naomi and Icheb's progress at the Academy.  
  
And then she vanished again for another year.  
  
He continued his work, pushing the world to the side as he tried to find a way to save Kathryn.  
  
Doctor Michelle Grant, one of the lead researchers into the, project asked him on a date at one stage, but all he could think about was returning to Kathryn's side. Despite her insistence that he move on, he couldn't be with someone else.  
  
The next year he had to give Kathryn the bad news about her mother. She wept in his arms for almost an hour.  
  
He'd attended the funeral on her behalf, but that would never be good enough — not for Kathryn.  
  
The years wore on and he found himself staring down the barrel of her last year — her last three hours, to be more precise. He barely slept, running on coffee and the slim hope he could save her.  
  
About three months before she was due to return he had an epiphany. They'd been looking in the wrong place for an answer. All these damn years and they'd been focussing on Kathryn, but they'd never bothered to look at her room.  
  
It should have been obvious; after all, she reappeared there every year, despite evidence that she shouldn't. Oh, they'd worked out that there must be a tether of some kind, but had come up short when trying to establish what that tether was.  
  
He spent three weeks scouring her quarters aboard Voyager for the answer and a further two weeks running simulations before finally finding the answer.  
  
He wasn't interested in taking his discovery on faith. This wasn't something he could try multiple times, after all. So he had Seven come to his lab late one evening to review his findings. At first he'd thought to include B'Elanna, but he knew she'd tell him he was an idiot and that he shouldn't try it. Seven, however, was more practical and Seven.  
  
"This will work," she stated after a thorough read through of his proposal. "Of course, Starfleet will never agree."  
  
"I'm not going to tell them."  
  
Seven's brow rose and he could swear there was a slight smile on her lips. "I do not believe this will be easy to pull off."  
  
"It won't, but Starfleet have given me almost unlimited access to the ship while Kathryn's here."  
  
"What about the crew?" Seven questioned. "Surely you haven't forgotten that we wish to say goodbye."  
  
Chakotay let out a thoughtful sigh. "Then we'll need to keep it brief."  
  
"Best of luck with that."  
  
"You could help me."  
  
"For this to succeed, you will require my assistance."


	13. Chapter 13

Chakotay had everything planned to the last minute. Kathryn would have precisely three hours and forty six minutes here — no time at all.  
  
With Seven's help Chakotay managed to convince the crew that Starfleet had only allowed three hours of access to the ship, normally docked at Utopia Planitia Shipyards. He felt cruel denying them the time, but it would all be worth it in the end.  
  
He wasn't looking forward to this day. If his plan failed in any way Kathryn would be lost. The idea turned his stomach. He just wanted... he just wanted her back.  
  
The event, though short, certainly was tear jerking. A number of people, not just from the Voyager crew, but Kathryn's friends and family from years past, had attended.  
  
Kathryn spent the entire even in tears, though she was making an obvious attempt to hide her sorrow.  
  
There wasn't enough time for goodbyes. Some came to simply say their farewells and departed, which considering that there were almost three hundred people at the beginning of the party served as a great relief. In the end Seven took the job of rushing everyone off the ship before departing herself.  
  
They were alone again.  
  
Nothing about today was easy, getting rid of the guests, notwithstanding. He'd hoped to have around forty-five minutes to spend with her. He'd have made her dinner and spent their remaining time trying to make her feel as comfortable as he possibly could. But with the guest's slow departure they had a little over twenty minutes left.  
  
Everything had already been set in motion, including the meal he'd prepared, so he escorted her to her quarters, linking arms for the final time. Not a word was uttered as they made their way through the decks. Kathryn seemed rather more interested in examining every surface as they passed.  
  
She was remarkably controlled, all things considered. He knew very well that she was afraid — how could she not be? But in the true style of Kathryn Janeway, she wouldn't let that fear show.  
  
"I know it's not much," Chakotay managed once they entered her quarters. "But I've made you dinner."  
  
Her eyes flicked automatically to the chronometer, her expression growing grim.  
  
Chakotay was at a loss. He couldn't console her, not yet. Drawing a broken breath, he motioned to her table. "Please, Kathryn."  
  
This gesture probably seemed misguided; his stomach was churning so much that the very idea of food almost made him ill, but he'd needed to get her to her quarters somehow. Whether or not the idea of food appealed to Kathryn, she nodded her head and took a seat at the table.  
  
"What — have you made?" she questioned a little awkwardly.  
  
He gave a small smile and turned to the replicator to retrieve the earlier inputted order. "Coffee ice cream with a mocha brownie on the side."  
  
"As last meals go, that's a good pick," her tone seemed light, but he could tell that she was struggling with the words.  
  
Then they sat in silence for a few minutes, both staring at, but not actually touching their ice cream.  
  
Chakotay searched his mind for something to take their mind off what was to come, but he was drawing a blank.  
  
His eye flicked to the chronometer before he could stop them. Seventeen minutes.  
  
He needed to kill more time. He needed to —  
  
"You have something planned, don't you?"  
  
_How had she possibly picked up on that?_  
  
Chakotay resettled himself in his chair in an attempt to appear calm. He had to resist the urge to tug on his earlobe; that would give him away immediately. "What do you mean?" his voice came out rather more sincere than he was expecting.  
  
Her eyes examined the room curiously before returning to him. "You've been avoiding eye contact. You've been quiet."  
  
"You expect me to act differently?"  
  
She frowned and shook her head - she didn't believe him.  
  
It was too early to tell her. He needed to stall, at least for a few minutes.  
  
He searched for anything he might be able to say to distract her or change the subject, but he took too long. She stood and made her way over to the window. Chakotay thought for a moment that she was just doing as she normally did, gazing out the window to figure things out — but she examined the space around them, before turning back to Chakotay.  
  
"We're not at Utopia Planitia," she observed. "Where are we?"  
  
He licked his lips, eyes flicking to the chronometer in the hopes that time had somehow flown by a little faster. He considered lying — but he could never lie to Kathryn. "Modesta Corr."  
  
She inhaled a short breath. "Dead space," she commented. "You're going to destroy Voyager."  
  
He stood and readied himself to head her off if she made a move for the door. How had she possibly made that leap? Unless... "You already knew," he realised aloud.  
  
She'd been tethered here, to Voyager, to _this_ room. Destroying the ship while she was in the section that had been damaged in the original attack would return her, about thirty seconds before the attack occurred.  
  
She closed her mouth, lips becoming a thin line and she stared fixedly at him.  
  
"How long? How long did you know?" He didn't want to be angry with her, not now, but she knew — she knew how to save herself and she'd said nothing.  
  
Her eyes fell from his and she gave a small shrug. "A couple of weeks."  
  
A couple of weeks — so, years; she'd known how to save herself for years.  
  
"Why didn't you say anything? Why not before this year, at least!?"  
  
She didn't speak and for a long time he thought she wasn't going to, but she let out another sigh and responded. "You were all so desperate to get me back. I was.... afraid you might do something stupid."  
  
That was when the truth of their situation seemed to dawn on her. "How are you getting off the ship?" she questioned in a warning tone.  
  
Now it was his turn to clam up. His hand found its way to his ear and before he knew it he was tugging the lobe.  
  
"Chakotay, please tell me you have a way off the ship? The shuttles, a friend in range to teleport you out -”  
  
Eventually he shook his head. "No," he managed honestly.  
  
For a long time she simply stared at him. Her eyes clouded and he could practically _feel_ her disapproval and the upset radiating from her.  
  
"Chakotay, you can't do this," she breathed. She stepped toward him, obviously trying to figure out how to convince him of her case. Were the situation reversed he'd do just about anything to keep her from dying...  
  
"It won't matter, Kathryn," he motioned to the area around them. "It won't matter because _you_ can stop all of this from happening. You can sav-”  
  
"This timeline won't cease to be just because I go back and live through that attack," she snapped.  
  
The complications of temporal mechanics were more than Chakotay really wanted to think about, but she was right, in a way.  
  
"You can live on, in this timeline," she continued on. "You can find someone, have a family."  
  
As much as Kathryn loved him and wanted him to move on, he just couldn't do it. The very thought of living any life without her was... well, it was unimaginable. He shook his head slowly. "I can't."  
  
"Chakotay, please," she took his hand and squeezed gently. "Please don't do this, not for me. I'm not worth your life! "  
  
"There's no living without you."  
  
The words seemed to strike her down and at first he thought he'd hurt her, insulted her. Maybe he had in a way, but her eyes began to cloud — her lip trembling in a moment of rare vulnerability. Considering the devastated expression that comment prompted, he realised he needed to say something else. "And I'm not letting you do this alone. That wouldn't be fair."  
  
She wanted to object again, he could see it in her eyes.  
  
He closed the short gap between them, cupping her cheek delicately. "Kathryn, I love you."  
  
A tear fell onto his thumb and he wiped the remanets from below her eye. "And I love you, but-"  
  
"You can change everything." She shook her head, but he pressed on. "You can save the crew, you can save Harry!"  
  
"And what about you?"  
  
"I'll be there. I'll be with you."  
  
"No, you'll be dead."  
  
"That Chakotay won't. He'll be by your side as I have been every day."  
  
She wanted to argue; he could see it in her eyes, but they didn't have time.  
  
"Kathryn, listen to me. You're going to wake up about thirty seconds before the attack." Her eyes narrowed and he thought she might actually object, but he pressed on. "Which means you'll only have thirty seconds to wake up and get out of your quarters. It might sound like a lot of time, but, you'll still be waking."  
  
"Chakotay -”  
  
"Please, Kathryn," his gaze flicked to the chronometer. They didn't have long left now.  
  
Her eyes followed his and she let out whimpered cry.  
  
"I'll be there. If you let me in, I'll be there for you, always."


	14. Chapter 14

They weren't even granted the gift of one final kiss. Kathryn felt the first shock of the cascade failure in Voyager's warp engines. The ship shuddered; then rocked and seconds later she felt the air being ripped from her lungs. She closed her eyes, preserving her memory of Chakotay: the soft smile that touched his lips, his gently creased brow and penetrating dark eyes. That image would be her reminder.  
  
There was no pain — death came too quick for that — or whatever it was that passed for death. She felt as though she was floating, visionless, through a bitter cold sea. And then she was floating somewhere else.  
  
Her back was pressed against something firm, but soft. A warmth covered her body like a sheet and her dream, her nightmare, began to fade. The world around began to rearrange itself into something a little more familiar. She lay in her bed. The hum of the engines drifted into her consciousness, providing a strange sense of comfort — one she'd felt for some time.  
  
She resettled, trying to find the right groove in her pillow to rest her head. Starfleet issue furnishings weren't exactly comfortable, but after so long without an alternative she'd at least become used to them, for the most part. Chakotay could never find out that her bed was a large contributing factor to the reason for her restlessness.  
  
The thought of him conjured his image; his beautiful smile lighting his features like a beacon in the night. But in the image she saw, Chakotay was older.  
  
_You'll only have thirty seconds to wake up and get out of your quarters._  
  
Her eyes flicked open as a flood of memory pervaded her mind. Thirty seconds — how long had she been lying here?  
  
Without another thought she pushed her exhausted body out of bed and darted toward the living room, before making a beeline to the door of her quarters.  
  
She barely made it over the threshold when the blast hit, throwing her into the opposite wall. A level ten force field erected over the entryway, an automatic process when the ship's hull was breached, and the door hissed shut sealing the area away.  
  
The force of the explosion had thrown her hard. The entire left side of her body ached and throbbed from the impact. She'd certainly broken her arm and possibly a rib, at least. She'd hit her head as well, just above the temple.  
  
An involuntary cry of pain escaped her lungs. She needed help. Tapping her chest, she found only the strap of her nightgown over bare flesh and let out a sigh. Her comm badge would have been on her bedside table; how could she have left it behind? Granted, if she'd tried to grab the device on her way out she may not have made it.  
  
Leaning her head against the wall she made a conscious effort to focus on anything but the pain. The ship hadn't taken another hit yet — that was comforting. Hopefully she was the only person injured in the attack. Vaguely she recalled Chakotay speaking about this, weeks ago. _Did he say someone else had been hurt?_ She couldn't remember.  
  
Her eyes moved to the red, flashing light above her and though she tried not to, she began to count the pulses. They weren't an indicator of anything. If counting helped, it helped only as a distraction from the pain.  
  
Her vision blurred; she suspected not because she was staring at the light, though. The sound of the red alert siren seemed dull and far away, as though it was sounding from another room.  
  
After counting the twentieth flash she considered attempting to contact sickbay herself. She could use the comm panel just around the corner. But an incredibly brief and futile effort to pull herself to her feet led only to the exacerbation of the wound on her side and leg.  
  
The world seemed to be slipping away. Her body felt heavy, her brain sluggish — she had only moments before she would fall unconscious.  
  
What if she hadn't been fast enough? What if she died anyway — and like this? Would she continue to vanish and reappear, year after year? But she'd died in the explosion last time — or more accurately vanished — what happened if she died outside of the blast?  
  
"Kathryn!" The urgent voice behind her was as much a shock as it was a relief. She made a vain effort to turn back toward it, but gave up quickly, once the throbbing pain in her side and neck heightened.  
  
But Chakotay didn't waste any time. He rushed to her side, followed closely by Tom and Tuvok. Chakotay's hand cupped her cheek gently, the other resting on her uninjured arm.  
  
Though she knew what this was, she knew that she'd been returned to before the accident a part of her brain couldn't reconcile the fact that they were all so young — or that Chakotay was here at all. The man had died for her. He truly would do anything...  
  
She could see from his expression that he had a lot of questions, but he prioritised his concern for her. "We need to get her to sickbay." His hand slapped the comm badge on his chest. "Chakotay to the bridge, beam everyone in my immediate vicinity to sickbay!"  
  
Seconds later they materialised in sickbay and Chakotay lifted her onto one of the biobeds. She knew the man who walked over to her was the Doctor, but his words were lost on her. He seemed to be ordering Tom around, but she had no idea what for.  
  
Her head lolled to the side or did she move it of her own accord? Regardless, her gaze fell on Chakotay and she smiled. He was alive; that was all that mattered.


	15. Chapter 15

For one horrifying moment Kathryn thought she was waking up in her quarters again; until she heard the Doctor's chipper voice.  
  
"Welcome back, Captain. I must say, you gave everyone quite a scare."  
  
It took her a moment to register where his voice was coming from. She glanced around, mind still fogged from her injuries. He stood to her right, a medical tricorder in hand as he scanned her with the wand. He wasn't her only visitor, though. In six years on Voyager, she'd never failed to wake in sickbay without Chakotay by her side. Today was no exception. He wore a soft, if concerned smile; one she'd grown to know very well.  
  
"You were unconscious for four days," the Doctor remarked.  
  
Her attention returned to the hologram. "Four days?" She was stable. She must be.  
  
"Yes, but thanks to brilliant my efforts you'll make a full recovery."  
  
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Chakotay lick his lips and glance toward the ground, obviously amused by the Doctor's statement.  
  
"Well, thank you, Doctor," Kathryn pushed herself into a seated position, despite the hologram's attempts to stop her. She felt a little dizzy and her muscles felt weak, as they usually did after many of the Doctor's procedures. But she masked as much of her reaction to the discomfort as she could and turned her attention to Chakotay. "How about the rest of the crew? The ship?" she questioned, looking for his report.  
  
"You were the only person injured," Chakotay revealed, taking a step closer to the biobed. "And with the exception of the hull breach over your quarters, which broke over a portion of the deck below, Voyager escaped relatively unharmed."  
  
She breathed a small sigh of relief; nothing else seemed to have changed with her survival.  
  
"I do have some bad news, though," he let out a short sigh and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Your quarters are — well, you've lost most everything in your rooms — there's very little that wasn't destroyed in the blast and what's left is all but ruined."  
  
Kathryn knew all of this already, but she still winced. Her quarters had been full of her life out here, not to mention her reminders of home. Her books, art, gifts from worlds Voyager had visited and friends aboard all lost to the void of space.  
  
She'd never really mourned her belongings last time around; she'd had no time to do so. This time, however, she wouldn't be vanishing after only a couple of days — she hoped. Walking back into her quarters was going to be tough.  
  
"Repairs are still underway," Chakotay continued. "We expect that you should be able to return within a week."  
  
She closed her eyes and drew a breath. Things would return to normal now; for Kathryn and for the crew. They'd never have any idea about what she'd been through the past month; except that she could change things. She could save the lives of those lost the last time around. She could —"We need to have a briefing," she blurted.  
  
"Captain, you are in no condition to leave sickbay," the Doctor objected fiercely.  
  
Chakotay appeared distressed by the idea, though she didn't allow him to get a word in.  
  
"Then we have the briefing here," she motioned to the room.  
  
The Doctor shook his head, but Kathryn's wasn't stopping for even a moment.  
  
"Two hours, Commander, can you arrange it?"  
  
Chakotay exchanged a curious, if cautionary glance with the Doctor and despite the hologram shaking his head, he gave a nod. "Two hours. I'll see you then." He turned to leave, ignoring the Doctor's forthcoming tirade.  
  
"Captain, you really shouldn't be exerting yourself. You've just have three major surgeries, you should be resting."  
  
Kathryn fixed him with her finest glare which, despite his physiology, seemed to make him uncomfortable enough to clear his throat.  
  
"Very well, Captain, but you'll need to keep it short."  
  
She tried not to smile, failing miserably. This briefing was going to be anything but short.


	16. Chapter 16

It had been three days since Kathryn gave the order to change course. She'd been incredibly vague on the details, but had insisted that the course correction was in Voyager's best interest.  
  
Chakotay trusted her, they _all_ trusted her, of course, but asking them to turn around and travel ten months in the wrong direction wasn't sitting well with the crew.  
  
Try as he might to press her for more, Kathryn remained close-lipped about her reasons, saying only that the course change was 'for the best'. This, however, was one time where her secrecy wasn't serving her or the crew and he intended to confront her about it.  
  
She was being released from sickbay today — any minute now, actually so he was going to visit her. She _did_ owe him dinner, after all.  
  
Of course he still needed a way to convince her to let him in and as past experience had shown, that was no easy task.  
  
Pressuring her to talk seldom went well; he never wanted to alienate her, but he might not have a choice. His first priority had to be the crew. They were concerned about her orders — not that they didn't trust her, but she'd just been through a major trauma.  
  
_Omega_ , he reminded himself. She'd agreed to divulge classified information about the Omega particle on his insistence a couple of years ago, not only resulting in the successful containment and destruction of the particles, but in saving the lives of countless millions.  
  
Of course that was only one of a half dozen instances and many of the others hadn't turned out nearly as well. He refused to let the memory of those other occasions form in his mind. If he was going to confront Kathryn, he couldn't be distracted by the possible negative outcomes.  
  
He'd been pacing his quarters for some time; not trying to work up the courage — just trying to work out what to say. But he had to talk to her at some point, sooner, rather than later.  
  
He turned toward the door and jumped as it chimed.  
  
It was probably another member of the crew coming to share their concerns about the Captain's orders.  
  
Letting out a little sigh, he moved back toward his couch, ready for a lengthy conversation and called: "come."  
  
He couldn't quite cover his surprise when Kathryn stepped through the doorway, her expression a mask of serenity. Though she was schooling her features effectively, her body language spoke volumes. She held her hands clasped in front of her and her posture was shrunken, not so much that anyone on the crew would notice, he'd wager, but he knew her too well. She was clearly anxious.  
  
"Captain!" He greeted pleasantly. "You finally escaped sickbay."  
  
She gave a small smile, though avoided his gaze. Her eyes lingering on his lips; they often did and sometimes he wondered what she might be thinking. Sometimes he thought she might be pondering what they might be like together, if given the chance, until she blinked and turned away.  
  
"Yes, but you know the Doctor, he wants me to come back in a couple of hours for another check up."  
  
"No doubt you'll be far too busy by then," Chakotay joked.  
  
She met his eyes for a brief moment, giving a wry smile, before ducking her head again.  
  
Kathryn's gaze fell upon the stars out the window and she appeared troubled. Now was probably as good a time as any to try to get her to talk to him. If he could at least figure out what she expected Voyager to find at the end of their detour he might be able to justify the order to the crew.  
  
"I didn't survive — the first time, not exactly."  
  
Kathryn's cryptic statement came out of nowhere, leaving Chakotay wracking his brain for a response, but he had too many questions.  
  
She could obviously see the curiosity and confusion on Chakotay's expression. "It's a long story," she added with an ironic laugh.  
  
"I have time." He couldn't let her close up again, especially not when she'd begun the conversation.  
  
She returned her focus to him and though still seeming troubled, she began to tell him what had happened.  
  
The blast that had caused the hull breach should have killed her — or near enough, effectively leaving the crew to continue on without her.  
  
Chakotay could only begin to imagine the anguish her condition would have caused for the crew. He couldn't imagine sitting on the bridge day in and day out without her there. Life aboard Voyager would have felt so... empty. Quite frankly, he was surprised this alternate version of himself managed to make it.  
  
But as she stated, hers wasn't the only loss Voyager suffered. A large part of the reason she'd allowed herself to be sent back to this time was to prevent those deaths — and to get Voyager home. She'd been a little vague on the details of her return, leading him to wonder what she might be hiding. Considering her uncharacteristic openness perhaps he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. His sense about these kinds of things was rarely off, however, especially when it came to Kathryn and he couldn't help but probe further.  
  
"So, this course change...?"  
  
"Will take us home," she admitted freely.  
  
He took a moment to let that thought sink in. They were on their way home.  
  
"I assume you didn't tell the crew due to the temporal prime directive?"  
  
She gave a sheepish frown. "Plausible deniability, I'm sorry to take that from you, but... I understand the crew aren't too thrilled with the change. I know they trust me, but if you can tell them you support the action, things may go a little smoother."  
  
He nodded his acceptance and his agreement as he considered the many other questions he had.  
  
"How, exactly, were you sent back to before the attack?"  
  
She seemed more than a little surprised by the question. "It was discovered that if Voyager was destroyed while I was there I would return to the moment just before the attack." Her answer was delivered with deliberate care, as though she was trying to watch what she said.  
  
"I'm surprised Starfleet would allow Voyager's destruction just to send you back to this time." In fact, that would break the temporal prime directive.  
  
Kathryn's eyes flicked to the side and she licked her lips almost nervously. "It wasn't exactly... sanctioned."  
  
Chakotay rubbed his brow as he tried to piece the events together as she'd presented them. He was missing far too much information — why did they crew allow this to happen? What about her family? "Who discovered the way to send you back?"  
  
Her expression clouded and she turned away from him in a vain effort to hide her upset. Apparently he'd struck the right cord, though he wasn't exactly sure how. Kathryn shook her head, which he took as a refusal to answer the question.  
  
"Kathryn, please — you came to tell me what happened to you — don't close up now."  
  
She bowed her head and for a moment he thought she was going to refuse. Given their past confrontations, he honestly wouldn't have been surprised if she'd just walked out then and there. This time, however, his plea seemed to have gotten through.  
  
"You," her voice was barely audible and for a moment he wasn't even certain she'd said a word until she turned around again. "You discovered how to send me back."  
  
If she'd named Seven or B'Elanna or Harry, Chakotay wouldn't have been in the least bit surprised, but the fact that _he_ had found the way to save her spoke volumes. Chakotay's interest in the sciences remained in the 'softer' sciences: anthropology, archaeology, palaeontology. He'd never really been able to grasp the more intense fields and certainly not quantum or temporal mechanics. If Chakotay had been the person to figure out how to save Kathryn he'd have to have dedicated years to study and testing.  
  
The idea that he had dedicated so much of his time to save her wasn't really a surprise. He already knew he'd do anything for her; learning how to save her, stealing Voyager and destroying the ship certainly weren't out of the realm of possibility. The surprising thing was her reticence to speak of what had happened and her tone when she finally did. She'd sounded almost — anguished.  
  
"What happened?" he pressed.  
  
She hesitated again, but not for long. "You died... when Voyager was destroyed."  
  
His confusion must have shown plainly on his expression, because she headed off his next question before it fully formed in his mind.  
  
"You were stubborn, you...” she gave a fond if heartbroken smile. "You wouldn't — leave me."  
  
He gave a light nod in a show of solidarity with his alternate future self. He wouldn't allow her to face that on her own, but killing himself seemed a little extreme — unless...  
  
"You and he were together, weren't you?"  
  
If she was surprised that he'd come to that conclusion, she hardly showed it. The hurt in her eyes said everything she might have, though.  
  
"It was a mistake," she muttered.  
  
Chakotay scoffed before he could stop himself, which earned him a firm glare.  
  
"It was a _mistake_ ," she reiterated. "It was selfish of me. I — I didn't let you — him, move on -"  
  
That's why she'd admitted this? She was trying to tell him to move on?  
  
Chakotay let out a frustrated sigh. If this was her way of telling him she didn't share his feelings, she was going about it a lousy way.  
  
"You don't have to do this, Kathryn. I understand," Chakotay snapped, sounding anything but understanding.  
  
She paused, staring at him as though uncertain of what he meant.  
  
He shook his head in frustration. "Things between us didn't work, I get it. What I _don't_ get is why you bothered telling me."  
  
For a moment she appeared shocked, probably by his tone. He'd probably never spoken to her that way — and he probably couldn't justify having spoken to her like that, now. He lowered his head, licking his lips as he attempted to concentrate on the positives. Whether or not she was rejecting him, she was still his closest friend and if that's all he could have, it was far better than most of the alternatives. Frankly he couldn't imagine _not_ being her friend at the very least. She didn't deserve to be treated that way by anyone, least of all by him.  
  
When he glanced up he realised she'd moved right up to him.  
  
"Chakotay, you don't understand," she took his hand in hers, her thumb caressing over his knuckles. "He waited for me, year after year. He put his life on hold. He never had a family. To my knowledge he never even saw anyone else.  
  
"I was selfish. I tried to end things in the hope that he'd move on, in the hope that it wasn't too late for him — but he still waited."  
  
He hadn't understood. He still didn't, not exactly.  
  
"If there's anything I know about him -" Chakotay muttered weakly. "- It's that he loved you more than-" he wanted to say 'life itself' but, apart from cliché, it also seemed in rather poor taste, given the circumstance of her return. "He loved you dearly."  
  
She drew a stammered breath. "Yes, he did."  
  
Of all the conversations Chakotay thought he might have today, this conversation never even made the list. She'd barely even broached this subject since their return from New Earth.  
  
He searched his mind for something to say, something that wouldn't cause her to withdraw again. She seemed to be in a fairly open mood, but telling her how he felt now would probably make her run for the door — they weren't home yet, after all.  
  
"Chakotay," she spoke in a whisper. "It wasn't just a fling, for me. I — would never do that to him... to you."  
  
She must have misread his expression, but her confession was somewhat comforting.  
  
"I mean," she exhaled slowly apparently attempting to calm herself. "What I mean is: I loved him."  
  
_Past tense._  
  
So this was a rejection, albeit a rejection for an entirely unpredictable reason. She probably didn't need to be reminded of what she'd lost. He could understand that, heartbreaking as it might be.  
  
The smile he'd thought to force instead came naturally. Maybe it was enough just to know she'd loved some version of him. And he could be glad at least that in this timeline she'd survived. He couldn't imagine going through what his counterpart had.  
  
"You don't — have anything else to say?" she questioned almost hesitantly?  
  
"What do you want me to say, Kathryn? I get it, I really do. I know you could probably never separate me from him, but that's never going to change how I feel about you."  
  
A small smile touched her lips and she ducked her head, possibly in an effort to hide her reaction. "You misunderstand. You may not be the same man, not exactly, but _you're_ the man I fell in love with."  
  
At first Chakotay wasn't sure how to react. His heart skipped a beat and for a moment so did his mind. He was overjoyed, elated and whole-heartedly in love, but he was also cautions — they weren't home yet.  
  
Still, he couldn't stop himself from smiling and he could hardly hide his reaction from Kathryn.  
  
"I never really thought I'd hear you say that," Chakotay confessed.  
  
"I never really thought I'd be able to say it."  
  
He expected her to remind him that they were still in the Delta Quadrant, that they were still the command team of Voyager and that nothing could happen while that was their situation. Of course, if he'd learned anything about Kathryn by now, it was to expect the unexpected.  
  
With deliberate care she moved a hand up to cup his cheek, fingers lightly tracing the line of his jaw, before settling behind his ear. Her eyes fixated on his lips again. This time he had little doubt what she was thinking. His suspicions confirmed only moments later when she pulled him toward her.  
  
There was no hope for him. There hadn't been from the moment she squared up against him on the bridge, during their first encounter. He hated to think of relationships in a possessive tense, but when it came to Kathryn, he was all hers and had been from the moment they'd met.  
  
Her kiss was sweet, tender and loving. She showed no hesitation — though she had the benefit of this not being her first kiss with him.  
  
When they pulled apart he found himself breathless, but energised. Apparently Kathryn had gained energy too. Her hands began to wander over his shoulders and she gave a rather suggestive smirk.  
  
The future that had looked so grim only days ago had, in the space of a twenty minute conversation, begun to look exponentially brighter. Kathryn had survived the un-survivable. Voyager was on her way home and Chakotay and Kathryn had finally admitted their feelings for one another.  
  
And no matter what happened next, they would always have each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for kudos and comments, they're all very much appreciated! :)


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